Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
