The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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