I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
