I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
