The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
