I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
