The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
