U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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