we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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