It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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