K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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