I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
