i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
