she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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