Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
