My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
