My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
