Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
