dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
