i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
