what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
