I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
