i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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