some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
