I'll bet she douches with gravy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
