opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
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