i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
