So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
