I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
