Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
