I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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