But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
