Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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