We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
