Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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