I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
