suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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