Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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