Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
