wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
