i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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