all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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