My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My balls are so social today.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
