And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
