I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
