They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
