so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
