As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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