I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
