Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
